Dramatis Personae

Peter Acharya: partner of Ned Czernowski, neighbour of Adrian Edge, formerly of Trinidad, superb table stylist and giver of dinners. Has taken two boldly experimental holidays on an Atlantis all-male gay cruise ship. Will prob go again

Sebastian Archer: partner of Robert Nevil, often abroad for health reasons. Book-writer, much interested in the beyond and what can’t be seen. Massive spender and frockist, regardless of whether in funds or not. Very famous singer sang at his 50th birthday party in New York

Lord Arrowby: unlikely, decorative, blue-eyed top Government advisor or some such. Mystery figure but hugely important. Art Collector. Stern but has wild side; loves Indian garb and tight-fitting gold spandex. Supremely eligible,  Mr Darcy-type but flirting achieves little.

Joshua Baring: one of the youngest of the Poor Little Rich Gays, very coming, knows everyone and everything, can get into any restaurant; briefed me, Adrian Edge, on how nuclear power plants work; nearly sourced diamonds from countesses of acquaintance for me to wear at the Bath Abbey Wedding

Arjan Bose: exquisite doc, discovered by Robert Nevil on a visit to Calcutta; has bundles of lavish fabric sent weekly from Cal to be turned into a variety of stunning garments. In childhood was a star Indian dancer and wore astonishing frockage and jewels. Lays the table with utmost care

Sir Lewis Buller great eminence in plant world. Away for years in the rain forest: regained these shores but now leaving again. Says Australia only hope, no Euro. Unusual amongst PLRGs in having children. Could occasion a visit to Australia by me, Adrian Edge, at some point. Only knows the highest there who might give money for a greenhouse

Marcus Cargill: England’s leading clock restorer; responded to the recession by tripling the number of his holidays

Ned Czernowski: American, old friend of Anthony Mottram’s, met when Mottram began his career in the central of Europe, partner of Peter Acharya, taker of bold all-gay Atlantis cruises; designer of excellent warehouse apartment in which lives

Connor Cadoux: outstanding member of the Australian Poor Little Rich Gays; engaged by one of the leading financial houses; huge feature at the Ivy and J. Sheekey’s.  Unlikely holiday on a Turkish gullet; on the other hand if anyone is likely to root out likeliness from the shore….

Kelm Driver: 18, middle son of Laura Malcolm and Matt Driver; art student, big hair; highly original; one to watch. Already an experienced het boyfriend though, so no opportunities for Poor Little Rich Gays there. Too young, anyway.

Matt Driver: media professional, massively important; re-directs the way certain products are advertised throughout the world. Husband of Laura Malcolm. Chronically heterosexual. Eccentric.

Virgil Grayson: architect of museum and university extensions, known here and throughout the world. Resident of superb self-designed London home, white, airy, innovative with roof-top aspects. Very high salon circle

Frankie-Doreen Gunn: the ‘dynamo’. International business-woman; only allows 4 minutes per item on the agenda. Hononary Poor Little Rich Gay. Can’t bear ‘serviette’ as a word. Client of Bruce MacBain. Loves top-drawer flooring. Knows all the best lines (of products, that is). Yet, much valued by Poor Little Rich Gays seeking respite, for never failing to say the right thing.

Prince Dmitri Hersov: was at the Accountancy School with the Multis, now works for very grand firm, is often at Zurich on business. Of White Russian descent, belongs to strictly non-gay swimming club of older ladies and gentlemen. Is often at Moscow Road (Russian Orth Church). Is good and has soul. Given to profound philosophical reflection. Drives Porsche. Art Collector. Music lover.

Simon Limpney: tearful, partner of Robin Smallmeal (see below). Landed Gentry. Inherited Massivebury from his parents; ran out of money. Estate was rescued after chance encounter with Robin Smallmeal. Used to be fun but no longer after becoming leading world cat expert. With Smallmeal,  insisted on non-speakers with me in 2008. Feud rages.

Bruce MacBain: my architect and friend. Highly successful, not an employee. Very particular.  Tough. Will stop at nothing to get the right tap.

Finn Magnus: hot ‘boy’ doc, whippy waist; has picture of the semen drawer on his Facebook page: keen on the outdoors but could well develop PLRG tendencies esp. once a consultant as intended. With Joshua Baring, the future for PLRGs.

Laura Malcolm: friend of almost thirty years. Novelist and acerbic commentator on modern life. Wife of Matt Driver.  Refuser of housework. Occupant of Bruce MacBain-designed family home.

Anthony Mottram: ‘consultant’ living in the Central of Europe since 1987. Not an employee. Occupies museum-sized apartment in Prague. Met by me in September 1970 at Barrowborough (minor public school). My oldest and closest friend; for the last twenty years, I have had ambiguous wife/sister role (denied by Mottram) while he pursues series of relationships/patronages with very young kitchens (see glossary). One former kitchen was appointed by Mottram Managing Director of Sofia Residential Properties. This position is a sinecure.

The Riverside Multis a multi-millionaire couple dwelling in a marble-lined Thames-side penthouse; art collectors, cuff-link wearers; superb avant-garde  boots; always want to know what the highest price is, so they can pay it. There is the blond Riverside Multi and the photographer Riverside Multi.

Robert Nevil: waspish biographer and critic, friend from university days. Excellent proof that, to be a Poor Little Rich Gay, you do not need a great deal of money. There are other ways of being rich.  Is superbly housed and frocked.  Has complex and fascinating private life.  Knows the Riverside Multis, Smallmeal, Limpney, Rufus Pitman but these days more preoccupied with the sub-continent.

Rufus Pitman: novelist, critic and newspaper columnist. Massively brainy. Friend of Lord Arrowby. Also keen on frockage, products and scents. Brilliant conversationalist. Essential to any important party.

Eddie Sedgewick: at school with Robert Nevil and Reggie Cresswell; radical figure, self-invented, successful artist and print-maker, trend setter, always new. Work often shows the urban landscape breaking up and re-forming, at once alarming and thrilling. Early life in Brixton, above a male brothel, where burgled at least once a day. Flat backed onto a railway line; if a train stopped outside the window, he and Robert Nevil, also living there, devised bizarre entertainment for the commuters on board.

Robin Smallmeal: self-made man, self-boot-strapped etc. Met by me in 1997 through the Riverside Multis. Head of Landfill or some such in this country but an employee. Powerful, despite appearances to the contrary. Massivebury his country home. Lord Lichfield-style arrangement of now grey hair (he went back to grey in 2009, having been an exquisite copper tint); considered me as possible partner when recruiting for that role in the late 90s but eventually met the divine, younger Simon Limpney. Likes treats. Always pays. A thank-you letter is essential. Favourite TV prog: Monarch of the Glen.  He and Limpney established non-speakers with me in 2008;  started feud which still rages. If we meet by chance great whips of leccy lash between us.

Fergus Strachan: brainy lawyer, in early 40s. Lovely to look at. Friend of the Selfs. Likes issues. Argumentative. Keen on products and back-street botox. Partner of Angus Willis.

Angus Willis: leading food writer, photographer and stylist. Famous warehouse home in East London has featured in all the magazines. Blond. Hunky. Partner of Fergus Strachan. They are a picture together. Engaged in manic restoration of Tudor house in Hastings. Unbelievable queenage. Extraordinary tin bath for visits of the Selfs.

Val: supreme example of Poor Little Rich Gay who, despite magnificent loyalty to, shall we say, a certain distraction, has risen again and again from the ashes on a limited budget. Resembles at times a outstanding  ornamental claw.  Brilliant, penetrating, superbly artificial, indomitable, one of the absolute greats. Strap-line: ‘I’m still here…’

Tancredo Viamare: partner of Bruce MacBain, although they’re separate homes and tempestuous. In the design world, of course; once spent 3 hours discussing curtain rings

Posted Friday, September 18, 2009 under .

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