Massive Programme in Norfolk

Friday 5th July 2019

Sandringham was just the final visit. We took Felbrigg, we were at the Garden Museum Literary Festival at Houghton, we visited East Ruston Old Vicarage Garden; we viewed a horrible property for sale; Igor Cripps, my old Leninist friend (now with the Lib Dems) and Anselm Ancona gave two dinners, one after the other, with no sign of breakdown. Very good menus. As in the original Lenin household, Anselm did all the work. The pair of them were due to set out for Ilfracombe in their camper van shortly after our visit. Like all good Leninists, Igor is much preoccupied with property and social order. ‘Who are the A Gays in London these days?’ he asked me several times. Upstairs we were entirely absorbed by perfumes and the rather intimate toilet arrangements. ‘Creed?’ Igor enquired. ‘Is it A Gay?’ This was before the horrible property we viewed induced an onslaught of toilet need in Igor and we had to regain his cliffside Cromer villa at break-neck speed. In fact the A Gays were all downstairs at his dinners, on the first night at least. A couple with a tech fortune and, possibly, specialist dogs requiring hired care (I can’t quite remember) – but I don’t think they’d ever encountered quite so much bum talk in their lives before. Oh how we roared! The goings-on in Norfolk, especially at the highest level. Igor has already been Mayor of Cromer and now is going for Leader of North Norfolk Council, like his friend Nigel Cossack before him. The second set of dinner guests were straight but distinguished. He is to be the Head of Our Lady of Walsingham, she runs a well-known independent publishing house.

Anselm is managing a small Leninist fortune from previous property and wants to open a caravan park. That’s why we viewed the horrible place for sale. Royston was dead against the whole thing. The real thrill was the knot-weed. We all wanted to see that above all else. £10,000 was the price named for its eradication. ‘What nonsense,’ I huffed. The estate agent was Australian and squeezed into a suitlette. Royston insisted he’d come over specially from Australia just for the morning viewing. ‘So good of you to come,’ he said several times. Two builders were also viewing (with an eye to development, no doubt) and having trouble getting it across that they were just ‘mates’ or even business partners in the face of so many Poor Little Rich Gays. ‘Which one wears the trousers?’ Royston bellowed. In the end the more manly of the two said, ‘We’ve got a big budget’ and stumped off down the lane.

 

Posted Sunday, July 7, 2019 under Adrian Edge day by day.

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