Quite a Lot Went Wrong

Friday 3rd May 2019

There was dog poo on the doormat. I thought that was the extent but no! Next morning traces tramped up the stairs. Then a pillow burst. Feathers. I was leaving for Althorp, to be received by Earl Spencer at a champagne tea at 3pm. My outfit hadn’t come through, hadn’t been imparted. Only minutes to spare. So difficult. Important not to be too town. Semi-travelling, semi-country, semi-afternoon but Earl Spencer and the Library at Althorp. Ants in the bedroom when I was already late for picking up Genevieve Suzy might have broken some. Somehow I was not broken but sprayed.  The pillow had previously been placed in isolation in an isolation room and carpet cleaner had been in stock, thank God. The Zara Admiral’s coat (navy, brass buttons, shoulder tabs, worn for the visit to the Catherine Palace last year) with the hemp breeches by Topman, the Prada brown brogues, the office-blue shirt by Balenciaga, White would have been too London. Blue was intended to give a Prince William feel – the outfit kind of crashed through the window of my poor shattered mind. At Newport Pagnell services I looked in the mirror and didn’t like it, not the Cambridge blue of the shirt, with the navy of the coat. Wrong. Earl Spencer would condemn. So we gained Althorp. Parked right in front of the house. I said, ‘It’s quite small’. Genevieve Suzy said, ‘You’re not to say that.’ We toured and were exclusive. It was divine. Then the champagne tea with Earl Spencer entering from elsewhere. So a button came off my Zara faux-naval coat. Such a mercy one of the party noticed and I was able to bag the button. It was like the time the button fell off my Prada mac in the Prada shop, onto the faun carpet where it could be seen. The thing about that button, you see, is it had ‘Prada’ incised into it. If lost, all would have been lost. No hope of replacing at Button Queen, which is a button shop in Marylebone. For all that, even when in Prada in the Prada shop, one was treated with contempt by the staff. Aunt Olive, of course, lost a button from her Hardy Amies suit in the car going to the Royal function for which it had been made – not very well, she said. Many re-fittings. The button coming off was the last straw. But she had a needle and thread with – luckily.

I did not have a needle and thread in the Library at Althorp but you would have thought Earl Spencer could have produced an effective maid. On leaving Althorp Genevieve announced that she wasn’t feeling well. She hadn’t taken bread for a while, she said. What about Newport Pagnell services? I said. No, she said, drive on. By Luton it was getting desperate and then too late. We didn’t reach London Gateway Services in time. Genevieve had to convert the Althorp going-away goodie bag for other purposes, remaining utterly regal throughout of course. Poor Genevieve, so wronged. She was abed all the next day.

Finally I gained my home and went up to change out of my outfit. A mouse was quivering by the bed with a certain charm and pathos. I reached to pick up and it ran away. Next morning it was dead beside but not in the trap I had laid.

Althorp: Not Very Big

Althorp: Not Very Big

We Were Allowed to Sit in this Reynolds Drawing Room

We Were Allowed to Sit in this Reynolds Drawing Room

Posted Friday, May 3, 2019 under Adrian Edge day by day.

Warning: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable in /www3/959/www.poorlittlerichgays.com/web/wp-includes/class-wp-comment-query.php on line 405

Leave a Reply