I Don’t Like It

Wednesday 21st April 2021

Did I say that I had a brainwave? These days a lot of dispensers don’t work. I’ve got a spray-bottle of Cif that won’t spray. You pump and pump. Nothing happens. I suppose many of these products have gone Woke and don’t work any more – like dishwashers. I was in agony about the Cif because I can’t bear waste. But then I had a brainwave. What if I bought another Cif spray, used it a bit, then decanted the contents of the broken-down bottle into the new one – once there was room?

Can you imagine the genius? And the bliss of finally being able to get that bottle empty and worthy of the re-cycling bin?

I’ve been meaning to mention for ages: back in February when I walked with Harry Rollo amongst a mass of the milling public in Regent’s Park, we passed a man and Harry said, ‘That’s Murray Perahia.’ He’s a famous performer, if you don’t know. Incredibly famous on the platform and been on it for fifty years at least.

But reduced. Now just milling, let out in the afternoon for air, just like everybody else. He and Harry couldn’t acknowledge each other, of course, in these circumstances.

I walked with Joshua Baring – it must be a month ago. We looked at what will be the last of the ducks, all being well. Joshua said it will be. If the vaccines don’t work, they’ll just have to get some more. Besides epidemics don’t last for ever, they just don’t. He was incredibly firm about it. He said also that his father, Lord Baring, had complained of breathlessness to his doctors. ‘Oh, you’ve had the Psizer,’ they said airily. ‘It causes blood clots in the lungs. Common side-effect. Big surprise you can’t breathe. Ha. Ha.’ Apparently they clear up of their own accord. Why has our own dear Astra been mercilessly attacked for clots, when they all do it? It’s so unfair.

The ducks in Victoria Park are even more confusing, owing to lack of labels. If only Harry had been with… Just by chance I ran into him and Mercury Mr Kitten the very next day. He said it was unlikely to have been an eider duck. As for the black-headed gulls, they don’t normally bother with the black heads, only when horny. Otherwise they’re dun-headed. No wonder we couldn’t find them although they were on the board as present and with black heads.

There were many ambulance drivers lolling beside their ambulances in the park, one with music blaring from within while the keeper enjoyed an ice. I wondered if there was anybody writhing in agony in the back who was just having to wait.

We picked over Harry and Meghan. Joshua said it was William. Harry went back to Meghan and repeated, thigh-slapping, ha-ha, ra-ra, what William had said, one guardsman to another or whatever it is they are. But no. Not funny. Immediate re-education and re-think performed by Meghan, rather like Harry had to do after the Nazi fancy-dress affair.

‘I was at school with him,’ Joshua said. And at subsequent parties. The less said the better. Troubled young man. Given to bullying at school. Joshua couldn’t recall the name of Harry’s therapist, except that she’s of lineage. Anyway, her work is not complete, evidently.

Now, I don’t like it. It was better before. I’ve forgotten how to diarise. I had two engagements last week. One was outdoor restaurant lunch. Rufus Pitman kindly allotted one of his priceless places for terrace-dining to me. Lord Arrowby and Raj Zoraster made up the party. The other was the funeral of the Duke of Edinburgh, viewed at Anthony Mottram’s new apartment. After that, it was back to square one but worse. To be let out a bit and then put back in again is worse. I’d rather be shut up for good. After months and months of deprivation, there seems to be a determination to carry on with it. You could go for an overcoat repast, but all the terraces are booked. I hear that when the restaurants re-open they’re going to be booked too. Raj said all the hotels are booked to September and beyond.

So what is the point?

I should say that Royston King did not just take to the airwaves last week to commemorate the Duke of Edinburgh, he was the airwaves. His line: the death of the Duke of Edinburgh shows that the Queen is the most loved person in the country.  It’s true.

We’re sure she’ll be opening Parliament as soon as possible. Nothing will stop her. But probably in a hat and coat.


Posted Wednesday, April 21, 2021 under Adrian Edge day by day.

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